Cult of the Slimming World

This week has been a somewhat ‘off piste’ Slimming World week.

My downward spiral began with steak and red wine with friends, followed closely by Malteser Cake and fish pie. I’ve carbed up so much I assuming I’m now at least 60% pasta. I can feel the hot breath of our esteemed SW leader, Jean, breathing down my neck – salivating at my despair.

But you see, there in lies the problem. I don’t despair. I really should, I can feign it like a sociopath feigns empathy. I can hang my head in shame and dutifully promise to fill in a food diary for next week. But, I know, I think she knows this is simply not going to happen.
So you might ask why I go each week – it’s a question I’ve pondered. I like the diet because it suits me. I like the fact I get a figure to work with each week. I love the fact the group is comedy gold and because there’s no way I’m giving up now!

I’m not in to the recipe sharing, I do get it but I can Google most of it. This week Sylvia shared her ‘speed soup’ recipe which, to be fair, was simply boiling veg in veg stock and pureeing. I managed not to gag when she said it does her for lunch Monday to Friday if you skim the top. I longed to urge her to throw in some pasta, crack open the chilli but some how I fear Sylvia is too far gone.

Our lovely, skinny Frenchman, Syed, arrived on a motorbike this week, very exotic and only something you can do once slim and agile. His ascent into two-wheeled deity status cemented by another 2lbs off this week. Barbed comments about not losing any more or you’ll ‘get all gaunt’ could be heard from ‘Curly Wurly hidden in jumpers’ woman.

It’s a cat and mouse mind game this Slimming World lark. There’s a dark undercurrent detectable only when I see the slight glimmer in Jean’s eyes when I’ve put on weight, or the even more annoying: “Well done, you’ve stayed the same.” Her claws digging further into my psyche. Once you’re part of this cult it is very hard to leave.

But of course I’m different…I can leave any time me.

One thought on “Cult of the Slimming World

  1. After having just tried to leave slimming world with a polite text and being subjected to a barrage of passive aggression, this entry just made me laugh and laugh!! Well done!

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