Since reproducing I have discovered a new talent for invention.
The kind of invention of which Walter Mitty would be proud. It strikes at moments of desperation when Arthur is either picking up something throwing something, or, I’ll be honest, not listening to a bloody word I’ve said.
Remember the policemen on the end of your mum’s phone when you were a kid. The one who threatened to appear at any moment should you choose not to wear socks/eat peas/ stop holding your brother’s ear and trying to hang him up.
Well my ‘policeman’ has become an out of control series of characters. He’s a crazed park warden, he’s Mr Toothpaste. Good god, I even invented a parrot lady’ who patrolled the parrot show we visited today. I’m helpless in the face of it.
I can’t resist the ease with which it stops Arthur in his tracks. I suspect there is some deep seated psychological reason I shouldn’t be doing this and he’ll either end up joining the army at 16 or borstal. Either that or he’ll have ambitions to be ‘ parrot man’ and I’ll have to let him down gently.
But we’re a family. Me, the policeman, park warden, parrot lady, supermarket patrol guard and even the pavement police ( they are different to the usual ones of course). I can’t let them go and I fear my obsessive little family will only grow.
Let’s face it there’s only a finite amount of time I can get away with this – I’m guessing about the same time Santa is revealed for the fraud he is.
So Arthur, I’m sorry if parrot lady scared you but she did stop you running full throttle down some steep stairs and the park warden means you thought twice about throwing those stones.
Yes perhaps I should be using other methods but quite frankly I’m a little attached and who knows, this time next year I might have added a few more characters…there’s a children’s book in there somewhere.