The anti-mum

There’s a new cool sister on the block and she’s called the ‘anti-mum’.

Have you noticed how many lists talk about the ten signs you’re a ‘rebel mum.’ Or talk about the things ‘real parents do when no one’s looking’. I’m not sure I buy it. Rebellion has always been cool, baby sick and anxiety – not so.

So, I guess I can see where it’s come from, an attempt to park the buggy, pick up a nonchulant air of ‘whatever’ but it’s the undercurrent, the unsaid which speaks volumes. The anti mum has a facade of apologetic’ ‘whoops, I’m a bad mummy’ while really , what it’s saying is: ” Look at me, look at the things I do and my children are still great. I have a cool life with little time for angst and baking. I’m too cool for school and you can join the gang if you like.’

Punctuated with collective titterings at their terribly slummy mummy ways.

If I shove a cheese sarnie and a chocolate biscuit into a packed lunch it’s because I’m so late I may as well stay at home – there’s nothing cool about it.
If I forget to brush Arthur’s teeth one night, I feel bad. There, I’ve said it, I feel bad and will do them extra well in the morning (which in turn will make me late and lead to the cheese and choc lunch – it’s a self-fulfilling prohecy).

The anti-mum wears it as a badge of honour. She’s so cool that undiluted orange juice doesn’t faze her. She laughs in the face of Bento boxes. Too much weak squash and I’m in a parental frenzy.

But does she really exist? I have a sneaking suspicion the anti-mum maybe a little urban myth. It’s like the times you visit for a play date and she says: ” God excuse the house, it’s such a mess.” A little injection of anti-mum. But both of you know she’s been running around like a mad woman shoving things in cupboards. The anti-mum spends a lot of time and energy desperately trying to be carefree -but I bet she’s still scouring Pinterest looking for ‘healthy flapjack’ recipes like the rest of us.

I suspect a little piece of us all are dying to be the anti-mum. To dish out Haribo with gay abandon (while remembering to apply fake tan). Whose children are still fantastic despite our slummy ways.
If my ways ever appear carefree – believe me they are not. If I ever appear slummy, it’s possibly true but not in a cool way – more of a ‘drowning not waving’ kinda way.

4 thoughts on “The anti-mum

  1. I could not agree more with you, why is it suddenly cool to be a bit not bothered about doing the best you can for your child?

    Bento lunchboxes aren’t for everyone, but I don’t see the antidote to that being to put a pile a crap into their diet instead (not saying the choc biscuit is, The Boy has a sweet treat like that in his lunchbox every day too). And likewise I don’t understand this confession of not brushing teeth, combing hair, washing clothes, cleaning faces etc. Because as a teacher I’ve been told to note things like that down as potential signs of neglect.

    Of course we all do things differently and we all have different parenting techniques. He’ll, I’m currently sat watching Peppa with The Boy cuddled up to me while I’m on the phone writing this comment. However, I’ve also played so many games my brain hurts and also will be doing craft with him in a moment. But I also need to write a blog post so will shove Reading Eggs at him for 20 minutes while I write it. A day of #mummywins and #mummyfails, but heck it’s just normal life!

  2. I agree. I sometimes have to do things “quickly” due to time or somethings come up that was unexpected. I am not proud of it nor do I think its clever! :(

    I hate not brushing their teeth either, but sometimes hes fallen asleep and therefore I have not wanted to wake him up to clean his teeth and yes we do them extra well the next time! :(

    I take pride in what I do for my children and give to my children, I want to make sure that they have a great upbringing and that they are looked after!

    There are certain issues in the Constant household that bring me down and stress me out which have resulted in me doing “bad parenting” things, like giving the kids their leappads in bed, but it stopped her crying and she fell asleep reading her story. Otherwise I am stuck in her room for 2 hours, not eating my dinner until 10pm and working myself up! Horrid cycle. I am not proud of it but she is settling down quicker and sleeping longer and everyone is a lot less stressed at the moment. So it is a mummyfail, hoping to lead to a mummywins :)

  3. Great post! 100% Agree with the first reply. WHY is not doing or pretending not to do your job properly “Cool” ? It’s immature and irresponsible IMO. Parenting is not a game. #blogsRus linky

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