Who the bloody hell am I?! #AllAboutYou

On my way to work this morning I decided to email the head of the local school to complain about the children walking along, four deep, and blocking my way. I was incensed and even my loud huffing did nothing to move their steely resolve to walk in my path.

Oh god, I can almost feel the descent of middle age weighing heavy on my shoulders.  So far I haven’t emailed but it might be just a matter of time. Just a couple of weeks ago I wrote to the council to complain about the amount of dog pooh on my road. A valid point you may argue but as I was writing a little voice inside was saying ‘ You’ll end up like  one of those Alan Bennett characters, thick with pathos and never ever taken seriously again’.

Sorry Alan – I love your work but I don’t want to be it.

I’ve also bought two air fresheners for my office because, well because, it just doesn’t smell too great. I’m beginning to concede, air fresheners, angry letters to councils and emails to schools does not a cool carefree girl make.

So what the bloody hell am I?

Before I head off into an Alan Bennett stage production never to be seen again I wanted to spend a few moment s thinking about it.

This week I:

  • Read my home insurance policy document because I wasn’t sure what was covered under accidental damage.
  • I saved my bread crusts to make bread crumbs to make ‘nice’ chicken nuggets.
  • I drank ridiculous amounts of alcohol on Saturday night and danced – I also, embarrassingly, threw up!
  • I bought a Flash mark eraser because they were on offer for 99P
  • I told a driver to f*** off and gave him the middle finger
  • I smoked one solitary cigarette during drunken Saturday night antics ( and I loved it and it might have been two)

This list is far from exhaustive – I did manage to wash, eat and dress myself and Arthur – I’m nothing if not a multi-tasker.

So I think what I’m saying is I’m either a middle-aged woman who likes to get drunk or a thirty-something mum warding off middle-age. Or perhaps I’m neither or a bit of both and that’s ok. I just need to make peace with this slightly schizophrenic scarf wearing, drunken insurance expert.

Right, I’m off to construct a very angry email – pass me the gin.



15 thoughts on “Who the bloody hell am I?! #AllAboutYou

  1. Embrace the slightly schizophrenic nature of your personality, although don’t get too grumpy about the teenagers walking four abreast, that was probably you once mouthing off about a middle-aged mum who wouldn’t move ;-)

    In all jest, I’m slightly concerned that I’m turning into my mother, she seems very grumpy lately and I think she’s turning into my nan!

    Nipping over from blogsRus

  2. I realised I was turning into my mother when I got my Next account :) ha-ha. They say you hit 30 and turn into your mother. I did just that! No more blonde hair and sensible clothes. EEK. I haven’t had the chance to compile a grumpy email to schools yet though – I do not walk anywhere, maybe that’s my problem! :) xx

  3. I was writing to schools to complain about the children when I was in my early thirties. I once went into the ‘good one’ in the City in Norwich to identify some hoodlum for a bus crime on their wall of shame! This weekend I went out and didn’t dance because despite asking the DJ (repeatedly) to play a proper song without a duff duff duff behind it he refused. I even told him that I might not be his core clientele (I was in the heart of the TOWIE party scene) but that I probably had more money to spend at the bar that the people he was playing for because I hadn’t had my books mucked about with (other than by two babies breast feeding and changing their size but then that was free)! I’m with you! Be grumpy! ;-)

  4. I feel I have got old before my time, I’m only in my mid twenties and I am always complaining and wanting to write letters about the things that annoy me… Slowly but surely I will turn into my mum. On the plus side I definitely don’t feel any of this annoyance when I’m having a night off and boozing it up like you on Saturday ;) xx

  5. I loved reading this post! Clearly I am in the same state of confused identity because I related so easily to your words! You are by the way very funny and very clever with words, something which will only get better with age surely! Stopping by from #AllAboutYou

  6. Loved this post, made me laugh out loud-sounds like you’ve got the perfect balance of booty shaking and family matters in hand (I don’t even know where my home insurance document is) #allaboutyou

  7. I don’t think it’s an age thing. There are so many annoying things. I’m sure teenagers would want to write letters too if they thought about it and it didn’t involve writing.

  8. Had a good chuckle reading this – just sent an email to the council complaining “vociferously” about a new planning application, who is this moaning myrtle?? Oh screw it, go forth and be grumpy if you feel like it, drink the gin, shake the booty, read the small print! At least you’re doing so in solidarity! Thanks for joining #AllAboutYou lovely

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