To the worst parents in the world

We’ve had a rough couple of months, well to be precise Arthur’s daddy has had a rough few months and it got me thinking about the impact our childhood has on the rest of our lives.
How the support, or lack of it, permeates throughout adulthood and rears its head in all kinds of ways. With a lack of confidence, overcompensating with too much pseudo-confidence, fear, anger…It also made me realise that you can choose to be beaten or you can, quite simply, stand up and fight.
I wrote a while ago about how his mum had been battling cancer and how he had done everything he could be with her despite a very difficult relationship with his stepdad. For reasons I won’t go into his mother has now cut contact with us – including her beautiful grandson.
I’m angry with her, I’m incandescent with rage at his stepdad. I’m astounded that he still gets up everyday full of optimism with a bounce in his step. I’m amazed that, despite a really shit childhood where no one told him he was fab and no one showed him how to shine – he refuses to pass that on.
He’s far from perfect, bloody hell he winds me up sometimes, he sleeps in in the mornings, prattles on too much and speaks before he thinks but I can’t imagine not having the one person who’s supposed to love you unconditionally.
Because he was beaten as a child he refuses to do anything other than talk to Arthur. Because he was told he was thick he spends time praising our boy and telling him how clever he is. When I raise my voice he bends down to Arthur’s level and talks – because he remembers clearly what it feels like.
Because no one played with him he spends hours building trainsets, castles and cars and telling Arthur about the world. Whisking him on to his back when his little legs are tired and insisting on having bath time with him most nights. You may think that’s normal and yes it is but normal isn’t always easy especially if you’ve never experienced it.
So thank you to the shittest parents in the world, thanks for treating your son so badly and never giving him a sense of confidence. Because of you he is better. You’ve taught him how not to be a parent and if that’s the only thing you’ve done, that’s enough.

8 thoughts on “To the worst parents in the world

  1. How have I not come across your blog before? What a wonderful writing style you have, and I hope that doesn’t come across patronisingly?

    My husband has bad parents, nowhere near as abusive as your in-laws, but cold and unloving. My MiL describes herself as The Grand Matriarch and won’t get on the floor and play with The Boy; she’s even said that she doesn’t know where my husband gets his desire to lie down on the floor and play with our son, certainly not from them. What a lovely thing to say huh? I’m so sorry that your husband had a bad childhood, but at the same time your son is going to have a wonderful childhood with a wonderful father (and mother) because of it.

    Nipping over from blogsRus share thread.

  2. Oh my. This made me so sad. But I am also so happy that Arthur has someone who is so enamoured with him and will do all he can to make his life a good one. Every cloud…

  3. What a touching post and beautifully written. Reflection is a skill you both clearly have in abundance making you fabulous child focused parents

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